Previously, our hero was just coming to the end of the build-your-own-computer aisle in a technology outlet store. He would have spent more time salivating over the parts, but time was limited and there was more to see and do, so he moved on to the next aisle: the software isle.
These days, one does not do much software shopping in an outlet store. You might find a good variety at Fry’s, but the rest of the stores gave up on most software long ago. No, that high speed internet has hit a high enough saturation point that developers would rather sell their products digitally. It saves them the cost of having to put boxes with discs on store shelves, as well as the percentage of the sale that went to those retailers. Developers are also able to prevent sharing and resale when you do not own a physical copy. Still, you expect to find certain software at the outlet store. Retailers would roll over and die before they gave up on the idea that they should just sell machines and let other people rake in all the software money.
The first software you expect to find is games. These are not good games, mind you. These are the ten-dollar boxes that have been floating around various stores for the last fifteen years. They are slot machine games and jewel games that were around long before PopCap started turning casual gaming into a major money enterprise. They are the titles that failed to compete with the big boys and for which you can expect no product support as the companies have long since gone out of business. They are also the over-produced copies of old popular games. A Diablo II or Starcraft Battle chest is almost always standard. The days of this section of the store are numbered. Once upon a time, the games would have been an aisle or at least half the available software. Now it is one little section at the end of an aisle quite sad and almost universally passed over by anyone who enters the aisle.
The next thing you expect to see (which I was rather astonished by the absence of) are operating systems. Well… really, various versions of the latest windows operating system and maybe a couple of Linux boxes (strictly for the Li-curious, as a true Linux Master could probably MacGuyver it onto a fresh box using only the power of the mind and a USB drive). I cannot explain the absence. You can bring home all the nifty parts you want but if you do not have an operating system to install after the BIOS flashes, the machine is just a very large energy sucking paperweight. [Editor's Note: Game developers aren't the only ones shipping digitally, Rich. Besides, how else do you expect them to stock the shelves of Microsoft Retail Outlets?]
What I did find was various versions of Sony video editing software ranging in price from seventy to two-hundred dollars. I hate that. I hate when a company makes a product and deliberately gimps the version down to almost uselessness. I swear now that if a software developer starts making applications that include all the bells and whistles and sells it for a reasonable price, I will stay product loyal. I will upgrade when the time comes and I will extol the virtue of their product to everyone I encounter. Do I need a top of the line video or audio editing package? No, but I’m more than willing to take advantage of said technology. Do I need the business power house version of Windows? Definitely not, but if I had it I probably would not consider even consider trying to install Linux on another machine.
We came to the end of the software aisle somewhat mystified at the scarceness. It was time to leave.
Image courtesy of Penny-Arcade.com
I dare you–I outright defy you–to watch this video all the way through without singing Hello! Ma Baby. It can’t be done. Unless you are unable to stop vomiting all over your monitor and keyboard. But even then, you’ll still be singing it in your head while gurgling out the melody.
Because these are fresh frog legs, the cells inside them are all still intact. The biochemical machinery still functions. There is still a source of energy for the muscles in the form of unused ATP molecules stored in the cells. All that the muscles need is something to activate them and they can still contract and relax (until they run out of ATP or something else shuts down the biochemical machinery). Salt can do the same thing as electricity because salt contains sodium ions. Sodium (and potassium) ions are used in cells to create voltage differences. In a living frog, it is a nerve signal from the brain that tells the muscle to contract. In this case, it is the sodium in the salt.
It actually took me a moment to realize it wasn’t an advertisement. It is a PSA from a convenience store in Maryland. Someone geeky and sarcastic must have come up with this one. It is a good idea and should be implemented across the nation. For the record, it would be an excellent idea to be able to have sleep in a can. Could you imagine drinking a substance and feeling as though you woke up from a full night’s sleep? It would be awesome!
[Editor's Note: I've been drinking Sleep In A Can for decades. I call it beer.]
I was never really a fan of basketball, but I–just like everybody else–was a fan of Michael Jordan because when one experiences transcendent greatness, the medium is irrelevant. The same goes for douche bags. I’m not generally a fan of douche bags, but I am a fan of David Thorne. He takes simple and common douche baggery and elevates it to a fine form of art, worthy of appreciation by plebeians and scholars alike.
His latest contribution to making the world a more terrible place is no exception to my admiration.
Minor set-up to the scene: David Thorne is a graphic designer and this is an e-mail exchange between him and his secretary.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster
Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.
This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone… possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out “Shannon, where are you?”
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster
yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
I never said I don’t like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham ‘Choose Life’ t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.
It must be the weather. Thursday is the new Friday ’cause I guarantee ain’t nobody doin’ nothin’ productive tomorrow.
Some time back, I posted a video and made a bunch of smarmy comments about simplistic and rudimentary stop-motion animation polluting the Internet. Here is where I eat some crow, and then a dinosaur eats me.
from blu on Vimeo via Geekologie.com
I am so in love with this guy. Happy Friday… on a Thursday.
The Golden Girls, a.k.a. my mother and her sister, were determined to see the latest Twilight movie. My father, being a wise man, did not try to talk the women out of the trip and my mother, in her wisdom, did not expect my father to sit through hours of angst-ridden, teenage melodrama. This sort of tact and understanding is one of the bigger secrets to a succesful marriage of 36 years.
The ladies did, however, need a ride. I decided to join my father in taking the trip and then I killed a few hours while The Golden Girls swooned over teenage boys. This trip, for me, was a 13GNE rant bonanza. If I tried to write about it all at once, we would have a ten-page document that no one besides The Editor would read. Having read it, he would most likely “accidentally” click the Delete button (and then do it again on the Yes-I-Really-Want-To-Delete-It button).
Instead, we’ll make it a trilogy: Hardware, Software and Books.
[Editor's Note: I will totally delete Part II and not Parts I and III just so I can sit here and laugh and laugh and laugh...]
Continue reading the bodacious adventures of… Time To Kill, Part I: Hardware
It’s like Easter meets the 4th of July, the perfect combination of church and state.
Watching this has inspired me to create a band where I play the blender. I’ll need folks to play the saw, the cups, the hanging ladles, and the microwave. Auditions are next week. Prepare yourselves!
He’s the man your man could… also not know what a swan dive is… I guess. Happy Friday.
